Sunday, February 18, 2007

Reply to Steve

Every element about us has been derived through a process of natural selection. Our need to imagine that we could somehow be immortal, should be immortal, God dammit MUST be immortal, I will believe anything it god damn takes to believe we're immortal, I will drag my balls over hot fucking coals to find a way to believe we're immortal, I'll skin myself alive just to have a fucking inkling of a hope we're immortal, I'll find clever ways to ignore any contradictory evidence- in fact all of it, and any thought otherwise well that's just faith too, god mother fucking dammit Jesus mother of mary saints and apostles we HAVE TO BE IMMORTAL! How dare anything else be true.

Lately I've been struck at the total absence of meaning in people's lives. Steve, doesn't the fact that 150 million of your neighbors don't "believe" in evolution put the same thought into your mind that Camus had right before he swerved his car into a tree?

Is there anything more strikingly nihilistic that such a mass of people who consider themselves to be "God's" chosen are less honest and more in the dark than thojse who don't even believe in a god?

Lately I've been struck at just how senseless life is. How we put meaning into the cycles of time when they just blow the dust of our ancestors around without care. I am looking out my windown now and can faintly see the road in the distance and I can't imagine a speckle of a hint that there is any god present. Ask the woman last week whom, after 3 miscarriages in a row had to be informed that her 20 week fetus was alive, but had trisomy 18, a lethal chromosomal abnormality which was worse than if they baby were already dead. Should she take it to term and let it be born and watch the deformed husk of tormented innocent life suffocate? Or should she have someone inject pottassium chloride into its heart to stop it with a needle through her belly and then pass it?

This is triply fucked. Father, Son, and Holy Ghost- the triad of the throbbing God-Head.

Is this learning lessons Steve? Is this forcing this woman and her tormented husband to learn from the mistakes of their last incarnation?

I look down the road and I can't see the faintest fucking speckle of god anywhere but in children's fantasies, anoxia, delusion, self-deception, Emerson's Alzheimers if you know what I mean- the collapse of a Brilliant fleshly spirit.

I know, you wake up at age 30 and realize that every inkling of what you lived for all your life is now as believable as Narnia. I suppose one of my greatest pieces of dumstruckedness that I'm capable of conjuring up is looking back at my life in hindsight and realizing that I had no real free-will, muddling over the most absurd spiritual quandaries which seem to me now like a heated conversation between a schizophrenic and himself over whether or not the voices are real.

Linda Stewart. Enough said.

Fortunately I know you're not driving now, otherwise you might destroy a tree.

Now maybe you can see why my lack of belief is not a heartless personal assault as you intone at least two or three times a week in your emails. I find chaos slightly more humane actually. Imagine the carnage from the train wreck of the potentiality that there actually were a God, a plan, a purpose. How many infinite times must people endure the pointless futility of ignorance filled life-spans? Across the universe, how many beings are suffering, and for what?

The debate boils down to one issue in my opinion, divided into three groups:

1. Those who don't understand natural selection
2. Those who understand it but can't deal with the implications.
3. Those who understand it and can't deal with the implications but don't try to ignore the implications.

I shit on buddhism, new ageism, and of course Christianity and Islam. What obscene bastardizations of reality! The chaos of trying to organize the world within the constructs of false mythic fantasy is a greater, more painfully barbed and disombobulated torture chamber than simple raw and crisp chaos itself.

And you're the one who thinks I'm the torturer?

1 comment:

upinVermont said...

Why are you so subtle?

Be more direct, Aaron. Stop pulling your punches. Tell us what you *really* feel.