Sunday, November 05, 2006

The Aftermath

Members of Haggard's church tell the story with their faces

--"What the fuck am I doing here? Shit. I just come here to find a piece of ass. Maybe I can slip out the back before the offering plate is passed around."

--"First Sai Baba, then Ramakrishna, then Adi-Da Samraj, then Krishnamurti, then Muktananda, then Yogananda, then Kriyananda, and Vivekananda, and Andrew Cohen,

But Pastor Haggard??? The pinnacle of human enlightenment?? Golly, theres GOT to be a genuine spiritual leader somewhere!

---"It's okay honey, pull your hair over your face and bury it into my shoulder, I don't think anyone watching the national news will recognize us. Then first chance we can get the fuck outta here and joins the Jehovah's Witnesses."

--"I don't want to wait till marriage, I don't want to wait till marriage, I don't want to wait till marriage."

(Nice Tits, maybe I'll join the church))

"Somehow...sniff sniff... I will force myself to continue believing in this bullshit even if I have to denounce the laws of physics to do it... sniff sniff. "

"Daddy, why is buttfucking a sin? Elder Thomas likes to twiddle my ass with his finger after Sunday School all the time, it's fun."

About a hundred soon to be Ex-Christians with one thing on their minds- Get Me The FUCK outta this place!

If you're a new age author, you're about to have a whole new crop of readers soon, staying up late with your books and telling themselves- "I always had a feeling that Jesus shit wasn't true,(sigh) but it wasn't until tonight that I finally realized I am really an Indigo soul from the planet Bleeble come to save a troubled world with my holy vibrations."

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